The Stay-at-Home Lifestyle

I'm sure some people wonder what exactly it is that Caleb and I do all day long here at the house, so I'm going to dedicate this post to just such an account.

1. We sleep in until 11am
2. We eat junk food
3. We watch TV
4. We take a nap until Hilary comes home from work

Well...not really, but maybe we could squeeze one of those days in here sometime.

No, of course, as most are aware I work from home. So I'm not strictly a "Stay-at-Home Dad" but more of a "Work-from-Home Dad." When I quit my job in 2008 to stay at home so Hilary could go back to work, we pretty well decided that the only real justification could be that I would take my side business into a full-time endeavor. That in and of itself wasn't terribly easy, but it was certainly less of a challenge than taking care of an infant.

Fast forward 2 years, and of course it has become a little more second nature to be daddy and business owner simultaneously. As I have gained more and more jobs with my company, however, I've had to make sure I don't leave Caleb without the attention and guidance a 2 year old needs. Sure, there are those days or those hours where I have to take an important call, or finish editing a project on a deadline, and those are the days where Elmo or Curious George take center stage. But Hilary and I don't necessarily want Caleb sitting around watching TV all day every day, so I have to jump through some hoops every now and then. Occasionally that means creating my work schedule so that there are gaps of time where I focus solely on him. Even when I'm in my office, though, I make sure he's not wandering around, opening up the bleach or hitting Jingles with a frying pan.

He is quite happy to play by himself, and he's always coming up with some new game. Nothing terribly notable, but for instance, he'll line up his cars all next to each other, then go down the line and turn them around the other way, then one by one he'll push them away down the hall.

I love getting him up in the mornings and getting his breakfast together. He's a late sleeper most days, so I get up with Hilary (yes, around 5:30am) and get going with my day, trying to get a chunk of my work done before he wakes up around 8-9am. Most days he'll spend an hour or two after breakfast playing with his toys, puzzles, books...all that good stuff. We'll play for a while, then eventually it's lunch time, and within an hour or so after lunch is when I try to get him down for a nap (though it doesn't always happen that quickly). While he naps, I get some more work done, and then usually we have an hour or so together before Hilary gets home.

I do regret that I haven't taken as much time as I'd like to get him together with other kids his age, but he does have those opportunities. Over the last 6 months, I've had what seems like a string of once or twice a week meetings or jobs where I had to have a friend from our small group watch Caleb during a big chunk of the day. It has worked out quite well, though, as she has kids aged 4, 3 and 2 years old (roughly) and Caleb loves whenever he gets to go over there and play.

But when I'm able to spend time with him just reading a book, playing a game, making weird faces or just having lunch together, I realize how fortunate - and rare - my opportunity is here. These days, neither moms nor dads can take for granted that they will be able to stay at home with their kids. And for a dad, the chance to do something like this is mostly a foregone conclusion.

Of course, Hilary is the one that makes it all possible in a way. She was fortunate to get a good job right after we got married, and between the pay, the benefits and the retirement options, it was going to be hard to turn that all down to be a stay at home mom. And while we both could have certainly maintained our employment, I was in a place where I wasn't making much money and I wasn't happy (and benefits? retirement? forget it). I was fortunate to have gained some pretty good success with my side business, so Hilary stayed with her job and made it so that Caleb wouldn't have to go to day care everyday. We've never regretted that decision at all, but it's still hard for Hilary - and me - when she has to be at work all day instead of here with Caleb. She makes a bigger sacrifice than maybe some folks realize. However, her employment is secure (more than most people can say) and by sticking with it, we are able to maintain a fairly good standard of living for our household without worrying about when the next paycheck will come.

I don't know when or if we'll have another child, but I do know that it will be a sad day when Caleb goes off to school and it's just me here. And I only thought about that for the first time the other day. As I told Hilary, as a guy, a dad, I don't think about things the same way a mom would. I don't consider myself any kind of replacement for mommy time. I do, of course, consider myself a better replacement for a child care service. But the main thing is, I don't expect myself to feel the same emotion that I see with Hilary all the time. And that's what makes it a strange feeling when I think about the time coming when it's no longer me and the little guy at the house, when he's in school and I'm just at work.

At that point, there will still be PLENTY of parenting to do, but it will pretty much be a regular work day for me once again.

Things I have NOT learned

I haven't posted in a while, and certainly not for lack of good material. As anyone with experience with a 1 year old can tell you, it's day after day of blog-worthy stuff.

But I got to thinking about my last post (yes, 3 months ago) where I imparted such incredible parenting wisdom upon you all, and I realized that there is just SO MUCH that I don't understand, it really isn't worth spouting off about the few things that I have figured out.

I was asked recently by a friend considering having kids in the next year or so, "how do you figure everything out? Do you read books, or do people tell you about how to do things?" The answer came almost without thought..."um, nope...really, you just kinda figure things out as you go along." And it is so true.

Now that's not to say there isn't good information available on parenting...between all the books, magazines, and opinions of other interested parties (we'll call them "grandparents"), there's a good bit that can be helpful. However, these are all mostly guidelines, and not so much because every kid is so unique and different, but mainly because we as parents are all so unique and different. There are stark contrasts between the parenting styles of Caleb's two parents. I'm somewhat harsher, quicker to reprimand, but also quicker to just act a fool and play around. Hilary is much more balanced between being the corrections officer and the entertainer. And of course, Caleb recognizes those differences somewhat, and he reacts differently to each of us as a result.

So that's what I'm proposing...I think Caleb - and most kids - are a product of their environment in so many ways. They learn everything, they pay attention constantly (even if it doesn't seem that way). And it helps to recognize the importance of your role and what you can and can't do. If you think "kids will be kids" or "well, my little guy is just that way," then you're missing the most important and easily adjusted part of the equation - you.

Or in this case, me.

Things I've Learned

I was thinking about my job as a parent so far, and it occurred to me that there are quite a few little things you pick up along the way. It's the sort of first-hand knowledge that is difficult to put in a book, or that might be too specific to your situation to really apply well across the board to all parents and children.

Call it parental evolution, child adaptation, whatever. Here's some stuff I've found out (not in any particular order).

1. When kids learn to talk, they move quickly from "mama" and "dada" to "I want." It's so cute at first, and then it becomes a demand. "I want juice" became a constant bell ringing during Caleb's waking hours for a few weeks there. I think the trick is to make sure that you don't give in to the "wants" but rather give them the things they want when they're NOT asking for them. That way they seem to start understanding that they don't get what they ask for, and they stop begging constantly. I'm sure this rule goes out the window as soon as he learns to open the fridge and pour some juice.
2. Speaking of food...we came up with a cool trick for snacks/desserts. There's a cereal called "Cookie Crisp" which has been around for decades. If anything can epitomize the sugary-kid-cereal selections, this might be it. However, a close look at the nutritional facts will show that there's not really that much sugar, and there are TONS of other vitamins and minerals in there. Compared to actual cookies, well...there IS no comparison. But you know what? Caleb thinks he's eating cookies (they do taste like cookies). So we give him a handful of those, he thinks he's eating this fabulous dessert and all the while he's eating something that's actually really good for him (especially compared to any candy or cookie).
3. Your kid grows as only your kid can do. That is, everything develops in time, according to your own child's timeline. Crawling and walking came VERY slowly for Caleb, and it became frustrating toward the end (he only started standing and walking around 15 1/2 months). Lots of kids hit that milestone at least 3 months earlier. Of course, Caleb had a FULL mouth of teeth (all of them) before his 1st birthday, and some kids don't get to that point until 18 months or so. And Caleb's hair doesn't grow very much, whereas many kids his age have already had 1, 2 or 3 haircuts by now. Caleb's vocabulary (spoken and sign language) is pretty well developed, and some kids at this point don't have but a couple of words or phrases. Point being, they're all different, and trying to compare one kid to another at this age is pretty pointless.
4. A mom who works full time can still be a good mom. There's obviously the standard (working dad, stay-at-home mom) and that's probably the ideal. We've sort of flipped it on it's head (work-at-home dad, working mom). It's no secret that some people have nothing good to say about our setup. People have their opinions, and you can't change that. However, there's more than one way to live life, and I'd like to think that we have a perhaps greater challenge than most. Our goal is simply to meet our higher challenge, and not worry if we do it exactly the way someone else says is "best." I'd say that the best part of our situation is that both parents are working, yet Caleb doesn't have to go to a daycare. In that regard, I think we are very fortunate, and Caleb will benefit from having a father that is more involved in his day-to-day life than a lot of fathers can be with their children.
5. Stuff is gonna get messy and dirty. We try to keep a clean house, but Caleb is always dragging out a toy in the hall, or pulling papers off a table and generally making a mess. And that's when he's not eating a meal. Rather than keeping things clean 24/7, I think it's more realistic to expect a certain amount of mess and make a commitment to cleaning on a regular basis. When it was just the 2 of us here, it was easy to just put things back where they go. If we tried that right now with Caleb, it would last about 10 seconds. Exhausting. Now that he's been playing in the yard, it's also becoming apparent that muddy shoes tracking through the house will be just around the corner. At least the boy is having fun!

That'll do it for now. I'm sure I'll think of other stuff.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

As you all are aware, this blog has experienced a shortage of posts lately. But the drought is over (for today) and we're back at 'cha.

So what did we fail to document these last 4 months?

1. The freakin' birthday!! Woo!
2. Crawling faster than the speed of sound
3. Standing up and grabbing everything that's not nailed down (and a few things that are)
4. New words
5. Sign language
6. Swimming
7. Walking (!!!!)

Ahh....where to start? Oh, nevermind, I appear to have this carefully numbered list that I just made, so we'll handle it that way.

1. The freakin' birthday!! Woo!


Yeah, Caleb turned the big numero uno on March 4th! Super good time. We had a big party with a NICE cake put together by my friend Morgan. Actually, there were two nice cakes...the main b-day cake and the baby cake (for Caleb to smash, destroy, obliterate, and partially consume). Lots of friends and family made the drive up, and the weather was pretty good, too, so we had a couple of yard games out and such.

2. Crawling faster than the speed of sound


It took the guy a while to get around to it, but once he started really crawling he picked up speed quickly. Sometimes he'll just have these little speed bursts and it catches you completely off guard. I ripped some major knee holes in a nice pair of jeans while crawling around after him during Jan/Feb/March, and now I just have calluses (shorts, warm weather). But no matter, it was worth it to kill the jeans just to be playing around with him.

3. Standing up and grabbing everything that's not nailed down (and a few things that are)

Eventually, he started noticing more and more stuff that wasn't on floor level, and just like any good baby/toddler, he just started pulling himself up on tables, couches, chairs, stools, Jingles, my desk...just grabbing and pulling everything he could get his hands on. Jingles didn't care for that so much, but he usually makes his mess and then crawls away. I clean it up, and he's back to stir it up again within minutes. We eventually figured out it was simpler to just clean up after naps and bedtime.

4. New words


In addition to "Jingles" and "mama" and "dada," he picked up "oooooohhh!!!" and "eeehhh?" and occasionally, we'll hear him say "Elmo." The best one is "Go Dawgs!" complete with fist pumping (yes, I totally taught him that one...it's never too early to start). The "Go Dawgs" is especially fun, because we also taught Jingles years ago to bark whenever we say "Go Dawgs" or do the fist pump motion. So now whenever he hears a dog bark or even sees another dog, he says "Go Dawgs!" and pumps his little fist in the air. Awesome.

But of course, we're probably stunting his vocabulary development because we've been teaching him...

5. Sign language

....well, sort of. I think some of the words and phrases he's learning are legitimate sign language, but the rest are just hand gestures we've taught him to get him to tell us what's going on. He can gesture for drink/thirsty, hungry, sleepy, hello/goodbye, "Go Dawgs," please, thank you, go for a walk and a couple of other things.

Oh, and yeah, we've taught him to point his finger in the air (symbol for "d" I think) when we're changing his diaper or going upstairs to change his diaper (or really, he does it anytime he hears us say "diaper" or if we physically check it out). Lately, he has actually started making the sign right when he's getting ready to load the diaper up. So at least that shows some potential for future potty training, if he already knows when he's getting ready to poop. Yeah, I said poop. It's a baby blog.

6. Swimming

So with the beginning of summer and the opening of our neighborhood pool, we've taken a few trips down there to test the waters out. For the most part, he starts off hating it. He has a hand gesture for "all done" that he uses when he's finished eating or drinking, but he's started doing it whenever we do anything he doesn't like (like serving him broccoli...he just puts his hands up as soon as he sees it). So we're walking down there and he's in the stroller (he loves going for walks) and as soon as we go in the gate and he sees what's happening, he just puts his hands up.

Once we get him in and start playing, he seems to be okay with it, but it's fairly short-lived for right now.

I will add this, though...we went to the pool with Abby and Andy and Caleb's BFF Liam this weekend, and he did great! He was playing laughing, giggling, just having a great time! We must have been in the pool for nearly 2 hours and he wasn't really ready to go quite yet when we finally left. This definitely bodes well for next week, when we take the annual Jolly family trip to St. Simons Island.

7. Walking (!!!!)


This is really a completely recent development. He's taken a few steps in the past month or so, but never much more than that. He'll walk his push car thing all over the house, and walk along tables and couches, and walk with us holding his hands. When it comes to independent steps though, he's been more than hesitant about it. However, again with this recent weekend, he started walking back and forth in our foyer while the Garlands were here (after we got back from the pool, and also dinner). Yesterday we tried it some more, and he really seems to be taking to it well right now. Perfect timing, too....his 15 month Dr. checkup is this Friday, and they like to have toddlers walking by 15 months (although many kids learn it around the time they're 1 year - 12 months). So really good timing there.

That should do it for now. As always, pictures are on Facebook, so get on it (oh, and you'll have to friend my wife, since she handles the pics most of the time).

Liam's 1st Birthday Party

One good turn deserves another...this is just some random video footage from Liam's 1st birthday party. Not much to see, but there's some good shots of Liam with the bubbles and the two kids playing together.