Diapers - A Change You Can Relieve In

I never thought about diapers much before Caleb was born. I just figured "hey, you buy the diapers, you change the diapers, repeat as necessary." Nothing more to know, right?

Well, rule #1 for diapers now - Only buy Pampers.

Why is that rule #1? Because Pampers diapers are the only ones that seem to actually work when it comes to things like holding pee and poo inside. The rest of them seem to utilize an automatic release valve of some kind, leaving Caleb's clothing to do most of the absorbing duties. Maybe that's a good thing, right? I know exactly when Caleb is ready for a changing, because he is sitting in a puddle and it makes him upset. Even Caleb, at such a young age, is starting to learn that Pampers - and only Pampers - are capable of a change you can relieve in.

I didn't really come up with any more rules for diapers, but maybe we can just lay some ideas out here in the old bloggy-blog:

#2 - Make sure you adhere to the weight limitations posted on the diapers. It's for real...those things won't hold any more than 8-10 pounds of crap if that's what it says it can hold.

#3a - FOR BOYS...cover the wang immediately upon removing the diaper (if not before), and be sure to point it downward when you're finishing up or else you will have an angry son and a lot of pee coming out the top of the diaper.

#3b - FOR GIRLS...don't assume that lack of an actual hose means that you can't still get nailed during the changing. Cover the nethers, sooner the better (secondhand information...I don't have a girl baby).

#4a - FOR BOYS...check under the nuts. There's probably poo there.

#4a - FOR GIRLS...clean up from front to back. Or else. And you don't want to know what "or else" means, so just do it (again, secondhand info).

#5 - Don't look them in the eyes when you're changing them or you'll get distracted and probably jam your finger in the cornhole by accident (or maybe it's just me).

#6 - Avoid changing right after a feeding if at all possible. They'll probably spit up their food.

#7 - Always be aware of the location of the new diaper before you take off the old one.

#8 - Watch the feet. If they get too excited and start kicking their feet around, you now have a bigger mess.

#9 - Keep tabs on your diaper supply...running out of diapers before you realize they're all gone can be a difficult pill to swallow (especially if you failed to observe Rule #7). It is especially stressful if it happens to be the middle-of-the-night diaper change. That's a big 'ol "oops" for ya right there.

#10 - Change the diaper on as sturdy and tilt-free a surface that you can find. They can start rolling otherwise.

#11 (yes, it goes to 11) - Throw the diapers away and get them out of the house as soon as possible. Otherwise, everyone gets to know you as "those people who live in the pee-and-poo smeilling house with the stinky kid." You start to ignore that smell pretty quickly. No one else CAN ignore it.

There you go, diaper advice. The straight poop.